Away
by bansheesinyourbackyard
Summary: She had a moment of brief indecision, only to slide down the door while looking at me, mind made up. She wasn't going anywhere. / Jade-centric, Jori / M for language, mention of sex, possibly graphic at some point, and mature themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

I sat unmoving while that shrill, godforsaken bell sang its song to the eager ears of my classmates. The shuffling of bodies came in waves soon after, amplifying the tension I felt building in my shoulders. Fingering my ragged nails, I pretended I didn't know what was coming.

Eventually the class had emptied out, save for two. It was just she and I. She glanced towards me from the front of the room, beckoning me silently to the place we had both agreed was _ours_. Wordlessly, I raised myself from my seat and started towards the janitor's closet with her in tow.

The door closed with a click behind her and we stood facing each other, a war waging between us. The silence hung heavily in the room, and I could tell she was scrutinizing my every move.

Unable to take it any longer, I shifted towards her and began, "Look, Vega –"

"Don't." She replied with such intensity that I complied and retreated further back into my corner of the closet. "Jade, what are you doing? What are _we_ doing?" The concern, the hurt, the confusion was thick with each word, dripping in front of me and corroding the wall I'd built up.

I searched for the right words amongst all of the janitorial tools. Even having known the question would come, and having rehearsed the answer, I couldn't bring myself to utter the truth. Staring at a bucket, I attempted, "Vega… Tori… I don't know what you want me to say. Things are all fucked up..." I looked up at her, apologies glinting behind my eyes. It wasn't unusual for me to feel sorry for her. Especially when she had to deal with my bullshit.

She poised herself to leave, "Well, Jade, if you ever do know, come find me. Otherwise this is done." And with that, she left.

* * *

**Part I.**

His arm is heavy, strewn absently over my shoulders. The mild L.A. weather is uncharacteristic for this time of year. I wasn't prepared for it to be this cold, so I welcomed the contact. Settling further into his side, I return my attention to the conversation at hand.

"I'm just saying, it's getting really creepy!" Cat nods her head sympathetically while Vega explains how she keeps finding Sinjin going through her trash.

"One time my brother went through a trash bin outside of the supermarket and he got bitten by a raccoon!" Cat's face drew in with concern, remembering the event. She added, "he bit it back..." She then perked up and continued, "He's okay now! I haven't heard from the raccoon, though."

I grabbed a pop-up book from my bag and gave it to Cat. "Here, look at this." Cat snatched up the book and bounced around while looking at each new picture.

Glancing pleadingly at all of us, Vega kept on whining. "Seriously, you guys. What should I do?! I'm pretty sure he's taking our leftovers and sticking them to his locker. Euuugh." She picked at her salad in disgust.

Beck shifted around, removing his arm, only to take my hand seconds later. He poked at his burrito with his free hand and looked thoughtful for a few moments. "Maybe you could have your dad on call, and when you see Sinjin, text him. He can drive up with his sirens on and poof! Problem solved," he suggested. Vega nodded triumphantly in agreement.

I looked over at Beck and noticed he was still playing with his burrito. "You gonna eat that?" I asked. He shook his head in response and slid it over to me, only to slide it back when I reached for it. "What the hell!"

Chuckling, he said, "Of course I'm going to eat it. I've gotta warm it up a little bit, though. Get it ready with a little teasing." My mouth dropped as I clued in to his innuendo, my face flushing scarlet. I smacked his arm while choking on a laugh.

The group joined in on the laughter and Vega gave me a sly smirk.

"Well, I'd spend a lot more time with it, then. Wouldn't want to finish it too quickly," I quipped, shaking off the feeling that Tori was still looking at me. Again, everyone laughed.

Andre plucked up his keyboard and removed himself from the table. "As much as I love to hear about your sex life… Well, I don't. I have to go get ready for class, anyway. See ya!" he said as he turned to leave. Robbie and Cat sprung up as well and called for Andre to "wait up!"

I frowned, Beck devouring his burrito beside me. Why hadn't _she_ left, too? Staring at her with my favourite death glare, I snarled, "Don't you want to go with them, Vega?"

She challenged, "I have a spare after lunch."

"I have a spare after lunch! Now I can set up a hitchin' post and rassle me a man!" I drawled.

She stood up, bag in hand and said, "I do not talk like that!" She turned on her heel and left. I smiled in spite of myself as I watched her leave.

Beck leaned in to surprise me with a kiss, but I hastily dodged it. He then popped a piece of gum into his mouth, apparently understanding that his breath was disgusting after the burrito. We sat together in silence for a long time – the bell signalling our defiance. He ran his fingers through his hair and motioned towards the parking lot. I pulled him up and led him to his truck.

/ I'm not sure how long I spent, laying there, naked and intertwined with him.

He drove us to his RV where the earlier innuendo became a twisted joke between us as we let our passion – and hormones – overcome our sense of responsibility. After we both came, we collapsed in a heap of skin and sweat, an air of love and lust settling over us.

Still high on the moment, I kissed his collarbones lazily while tracing a path down his stomach. He took my hand and held it between us. Moving my head as to better look at him, I opened my mouth to say the words that scarcely fell from my lips, only to have him lean over and kiss me.

"I know, Jade. I love you, too."

/ After our little sex-cursion, Beck and I decided that we had enough time to dress and attend our last class of the day. Sikowitz would probably notice our absence, and it would be better to avoid any awkward jokes he tossed out at our expense. We barely made the bell.

Our friends made room for us and we fell into our regular spots. I put my boot-clad feet up onto Beck's lap and sputtered off a round of "hi's" to everyone. Vega cocked her eyebrow at me and shook her head with a knowing smile on her lips.

A crash came from the front of the room and my head snapped automatically towards it. Sikowitz lay across the floor, messenger bag hanging from the window he had jumped through. He shook himself off and popped up, apparently unfazed. He bounded to the opposite end of the room and back, spinning as he hit the stage and said, "Drive-by acting exercise! You are all candles whose wicks are about to burn out!"

I shot up from my seat, along with everyone else, and began rolling my body fluidly in my best attempt to mimic a flame.

Before I had the opportunity to say anything, Vega shouted, "I'm burning out! How will I make it shine?!"

An uproar of laughter bounced off the walls – including mine – and we all took turns at witty banter. I was aware, all the while, that Beck's body moved close to mine, and I realized then that my light really would burn out if he wasn't around. He's the spark to my fire.

I realized, also, that Vega's body moved nearly as close on the other side of me when our arms brushed. The touch sent a jolt throughout my body, but I shook it off and shifted my position.

The commotion died down and I returned from my jaunt into the land of the overly emotional and evermore conflicting. Falling back into my chair, I placed my feet back in their spot on Beck's lap. He began drawing little shapes with his finger all over my legs and I felt shivers creep down my spine, now able to forget the strange closeness I had with Vega moments before.

"I have an announcement!" boasted Sikowitz. Continuing, "I just finished my newest play and I will soon be picking actors from you," he motioned to the class. A giant grin covered his face as he tilted from left to right. Buzz flew about the room and the hype was hanging thick throughout. "Okay, calm down, young people! I have one more announcement." We all stopped talking. "You're free to go! I have a date with a very important female to get ready for!"

Whistles and enthusiasm ensued, but all I heard was more time with Beck.

Before I could pull him out of the class with me for a repeat of our earlier trip to his RV, an eager Cat snaked her arms around my waist, yelling, "Jadey!" I removed her arms and turned to face her, looking more annoyed than was warranted – it was Cat, after all. "We're going out to Nozu! Want to come?!" She poked Beck and I simultaneously while she said, "We're all going! And then we're going to drive to Karaoke Dokie. It's gonna be so fun. Please come. Pleeeeease."

Cat knew that I hated when she used her baby voice. I was weak to it, even after years of her using it on me. She looked up at me with those damned innocent eyes of hers and I caved. "Fine, Cat. We'll meet you there." I looked to Beck and he nodded, letting me know that he was in, too.

"Tori, I can't drive you! My grandma brought her oatmeal in the car again and spilled it all over. I had to take it in to get it reupholstered. I'm riding with Robbie and Cat," Andre spouted off, apologizing to Vega. She looked upset.

An idea crawled behind her eyes as she looked to Beck and I.

"No," I snapped.

"Please?" she asked, more to Beck than to me.

"Jade, she has to have some way to get there."

"She can walk!"

"No, she can't. You're just going to have to get over it."

"_Oh_." I huffed and tapped my boot, unamused.

Beck led both Vega and I out to his truck, letting her into the back while I assumed my position in the passenger seat. He came around to his side and slid in beside me. With Beck turning the car on and shifting it into gear, and Vega waving briefly to the other group, we finally set off.

/ Nozu was crowded – packed even – so everyone decided it best to just head straight over to Karaoke Dokie. We ordered buffalo nuggets and discussed the rejects that were on stage. Beck once again had his arm around my shoulders, while Cat sat to my left, then Vega, Robbie, and Andre.

"They kind of sound like a chorus of dying whales," I offered, staring up at the girls tunelessly singing a song I didn't recognize.

"My brother once saw a dying wha – "

"Cat, eat your nuggets," I interjected.

"'Kay 'kay!"

Robbie looked kind of like an angry toddler as he spit, "Excuse you! I think they're very talented and it takes a lot of courage to sing in front of a crowd! I'd like to see you get up there and sing in front of everyone." He looked around the group, searching for approval. I considered his challenge, probably more seriously than he'd intended, and decided that I would stifle his attempt at bringing me down by accepting.

The horrid singers beamed at the crowd and took off to their table after the music stopped. My hand found its way to Beck's thigh as everyone clapped for them. I gave it a little squeeze before I stood up, preparing myself for what I was about to do. I'd only ever really sung in groups – mostly as back-up for Vega in her performances. I didn't mind that so much. Solo's kind of freaked me out a little bit, but I bit back the nervousness and propelled myself from the table. I glanced back to find reassurance on the faces of the group – save for the still huffing Robbie.

Walking over to the DJ, I decided on the song I wanted to sing. Whispering it in his ear, I proceeded up onto the stage and braced myself, waiting for the music to start.

The music started slowly and I swayed, gaze locking with Beck's momentarily, moving only to find Vega's in the same moment. I lost myself in the song, belting out the words I knew so well. The crowd reacted with applause and hollers, so I really got into the chorus.

_But I wish I could feel it all for you  
I wish I could be it all for you  
If I could erase the pain,  
Then maybe you'd feel the same  
I'd do it all for you,  
I would, I would, I would, I would_

The song came to a close and I took a bow, panting. I exited the stage and resumed sitting with the group, praise falling off the lips of all of them – even Robbie. My lips found Beck's and I let my body fall in beside his.

"That was really beautiful, Jade."

Leaning up, I find Vega waiting for me to say something. I wish she'd stop being so nice to me – she makes it nearly impossible to keep being a gank without feeling guilty. Stumbling over her praise, I respond with a simple smile and nod.

The evening came to a close after two more rounds of buffalo nuggets and a performance from Cat and Vega. We all said goodbye; Andre and Robbie remaining so Cat could run off to the bathroom, while Beck again led both Tori and I to his truck. We took off out of the parking lot and headed towards Vega's house first.

We arrived in her driveway shortly after, where she and Beck chatted about homework that had all but slipped my mind. They exchanged goodbyes – me simply watching her leave the truck.

I remembered her words from earlier and rolled down my window. "Hey, Vega," I called out.

She stopped to face me and replied, "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

/ Checking the Slap mobile was a routine for me each morning. I loved to laugh at all of the stupid shit people considered relevant. Scrolling through the sea of angsty updates, I hovered when I spotted Vega's update from 2:05 this morning. "_Found Sinjin going through our garbage again. Arrrrgh! Mood: Sketched._" I got up from my bed and tossed on a wrinkled outfit and my leather jacket.

Tentatively sipping my morning coffee, I walked into Hollywood Arts and wondered what I was thinking when I decided I was going to get Sinjin off of Vega's back. Maybe it was because I remembered how much of a skeaze he was when he bugged me, or maybe I felt some kind of debt was owed for her perpetual kindness. Either way, I got there fifteen minutes earlier than was necessary, so I wasn't backing down now. Swiftly and with purpose, I strode into the Black Box and found Sinjin where I knew he'd be. His unusually long body was hunched over the switchboard on the second floor, unaware of my presence.

Clearing my throat to get his attention, I began, "So, Sinjin." He peered down at me. "I hear you're giving Vega some problems." I tapped my boot on the floor. "It's going to stop," _tap, tap, tap, _"if you value that shaggy mop of yours." I took a swig of coffee, swallowed, and smiled a pleasant – albeit evil – smile at him.

"But Jade – " he started.

"You heard me, creep." Once I was satisfied that I got through to him, I glided over to the door and down the hall. Ahead, Beck was stationed at my locker with some girl I had never seen before.

More hurriedly now, I nearly jogged to close the gap. He waved at me, but I paid it no attention, eyes set on the mystery girl. I tried to burn holes through her as I glared, but she merely shrugged and continued talking to Beck. I moved in closer, face to face with this new girl.

"Hi, I'm Jade. I see you met Beck, my _boyfriend_." Grabbing his waist, I pulled him closer to me and kissed him theatrically. He was mine and she had to know it.

The girl shook her head and rolled her eyes, walking away in the opposite direction. Beck pulled away.

He sighed and asked, "Why do you always have to do that, Jade?" An undertone of anger bit at me.

"Do what? Swat the pests that you always seem to have buzzing around you?" I snapped back.

Beck looked as though he meant to say something, but the warning bell chimed and I took off for my class, leaving him behind.

We continued to argue through texts while the rest of my class paraded in the door. I was lucky that he and I didn't share this class or it might have turned into a verbal war.

I did, however, share this class with Vega. She had decided that she wanted to try and pursue acting to broaden her career opportunities in the future. I didn't really care what her reason was; as long as she didn't crowd me. As if she had heard my thoughts, she slipped in the door just as the second bell chimed. The only seat left for her was beside me. Wavering for a moment, she plopped down and gave me a timid smile. I nodded in recognition and turned to listen to the teacher.

"Good acting is all about creating a character that connects with the audience…" the teacher began.

Vega leaned over to me and whispered how she thought she had once seen our teacher in a commercial for adult diapers. Snorting and then recovering with a forced cough, I smothered my smile in my sleeve. She continued to poke fun at our teacher and his lesson all throughout the class. It became harder and harder for me to keep up the "I don't like you" façade because, well, Tori was kind of okay.

Class ended and my classmates streamed out in clusters. I remained, waiting for Vega of all people. She smiled up at me as she gathered all of her things, me dipping my head in response. She probably thought this meant we were friends or something. Together, we left the room and walked slowly to our lockers, dodging all of the bustling bodies trying to make their next classes while socializing and exchanging their things. She stopped at her locker that gleamed "_Make it Shine_" and I continued on to mine.

Having gotten all of the things I needed, I quickly checked how I looked in the mirror on my locker door. In the reflection I spotted Beck a ways down the hall. And he was with that girl again! My brow furrowed as anger took on its familiar form, burning deep within my stomach. I watched, growing more furious with each smile he gave that _thing_.

All through the rest of the day we argued back and forth through text, becoming particularly enveloped in our fight during Sikowitz's class, where we barely looked up from the angry words scrawling across our phones. The final bell rang and I stood up and stormed out. Beck and I both knew this wasn't over.

/ I got home and continued to think of how angry Beck made me sometimes. He's just so smug and it drives me insane. It's not my fault that girls hit on him all the time; of course I'm going to get angry. I'm his _girlfriend_. I mean, he could look worse if he wanted to. We continuously fight over how "jealous" I get, and how "overbearing" I am, so obviously I'm wazzed at it happening again. I picked up my phone from where I'd thrown it not a minute earlier and replied: "Come over now. I'm not done talking about this." Again, I tossed my phone away from me, it landing at the edge of my bed.

After what seemed like forever, my phone vibrated and flashed "text: Beck," so I snatched it up, slid my finger to unlock it, and scanned his message. "Fine, be there soon." I smirked, feeling like I'd won, even if in the most microscopic way. Lying down, I waited.

A half hour had passed and he still hadn't shown up. Beyond angry, I grabbed my phone and dialed his number.

_Ring_. _Ring_.

If he thought I was letting this go now, he was so wrong.

_Ring. Ring_. _Hi, this is Beck. I can't answer your call, so leave a messa-_

I ended the call and slammed my phone down. He never ignored my calls, even when he knows he's in real shit. Whatever. I would sooner yell at him in person than over the phone, anyway.

Sometime later I gave up. The light from the television set flickered, illuminating my room. I turned on the set to get my mind off of how Beck _actually_ stood me up. Flicking on the news and grabbing my favourite pair of scissors that Cat got me from _The Scissoring_, I settled into my bed and paid minimal attention, mind on how I'd probably finally screwed over the one good thing I had left.

I opened and closed the scissors by force of habit and turned my attention to the TV, which was now showing the scene of a gruesome car wreck. I recognized the area instantly – it was only a few streets over from my house. And I recognized the red truck; my disbelief grew. Moving closer to the screen, I listened, mouth agape and heart bounding furiously in my ears.

_ It seems the truck had no chance of escaping the speeding white SUV. It collided with the driver side door, leaving the driver of the truck dead on the scene and the driver of the white SUV in critical condition. Alcohol was not a factor in the crash._

Reality lay suspended and time stood still. I stared at the TV, paralyzed. A sob-filled scream escaped from my throat before I had the chance to stop it and I threw my remote straight through the still flickering set. The room pushed down on my lungs and I couldn't stop myself from buckling under the crushing weight of it all.

He was gone.

* * *

**A/N: Okay! So. There was a little bit of insanity regarding this fic the other day. Turns out I had pretty much written half of what I wanted to write and it was entirely disjointed and incoherent. Hopefully this makes up for it and gives a little bit more life to the story. I appreciate any kind of reviews/feedback; I'm new to the world of fic writing and need to be nurtured! Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for updates.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Part II.**

Waking up was always something I'd dreaded, but since Beck died it has been literally unbearable. Each morning was the same: jolting awake from my recurring nightmare where I was the one driving the car that hit Beck, only to realize that the nightmare is still present when I open my eyes. I haven't gone to school, or really done much of anything. I went on the Slap once thinking that maybe nobody would know about the accident. I don't think I've ever been more wrong. Word spread fast, only serving to tear the hole inside of my stomach wider with each half-assed update. I signed out. Everyone is just so damn _sorry_ and it makes me sick. They didn't kill Beck. I did.

My dad, cold as he may be, seemed to understand that I needed to be left alone. I could tell that his patience was wearing thin, however, each time he stood in my doorway asking if I'll "be going back to school anytime soon." He'd also mentioned something about Vega visiting, but I really couldn't be bothered to see anyone – especially not her.

He finally wore me down after a week of icy looks – patience abandoned – and got me to agree to try and sit in on some classes today. I decided to go to Sikowitz's zoo, along with my playwriting class. Just thinking about having to sit in a class and feel the emptiness _he_ left behind twisted my gut into knots. I tried not to think.

After throwing on the only clean clothes I could find – black jeans with a grey and black striped off-the-shoulder shirt – I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were outlined in purple from my lack of sleep, and my hair was lack-luster and disheveled, leaving some black strands falling in strange, kinked waves. I kind of resembled a patient on her deathbed. How suiting.

I swung my bag over my shoulder and stalked off to my car, considering ditching and driving far away from here. The thought was fleeting; I realized that Beck's gone no matter where I am. I shifted the car into gear and took off for Hollywood Arts. I drove absentmindedly, realizing that I might have been speeding, but I welcomed it. Maybe a white SUV could slam into me, too.

/ Fourteen sets of eyes all stared periodically in my direction, each set looking for some kind of emotion behind my flat stare. I trained my eyes on the whiteboard behind Sikowitz, who seemed a little less giddy than usual. When I entered the classroom he was animated and bouncy, drinking happily from his coconut. He spotted me and faltered, looking almost as if I'd set lead in his lungs, heavy and toxic. It made sense that my classmates avoided me like the plague. My presence seemed to remind everyone else that something was terribly wrong. That something was missing. That someone was dead.

Apparently Sikowitz was casting roles for his new play. The usual fire inside of me to fight for a part was burnt out, smoking with the remnants of passion, ash taking its place. I picked lazily at the hem of my shirt while everyone else argued over which part they should get. Something about it seemed sort of void.

I noticed then that someone else hadn't been as eager to procure a part. My gaze fell on Vega. She was whispering to Andre, who had a distracted look on his face. He heard Sikowitz rattle off more parts, to which Andre shot out of his chair proclaiming, "Shotty!" She sighed and settled deeper into her chair. Something stirred inside of me, but I stamped it out, leaving it to fizzle and die; another steaming pile left to choke my breath.

The intensity of my stare was not lost in the commotion of the class as Vega cautiously shot me a look over her shoulder. Her eyes resembled mine – pain evident – but with more concern and inquisition than was comfortable for me. I looked away, leaving her to wonder.

Sikowitz called his newly cast actors to the front of the class, creating a huddle on the stage, spilling into the front row of seats, leaving a minority of us to our own devices. I decided that my presence was no longer necessary. I flung my bag over my shoulder and floated out of the room. My feet pulled me in a direction that was familiar to me and I found myself inside the janitor's closet. Shoving the battered trash cans and mops and buckets out of the way, I sat down and put my head to my knees.

In the janitor's closet I felt small. I felt small and insignificant, and I felt something close to enjoyment at that fact. I wanted to be reduced to nothing. I deserved it. I felt so fucking stupid for even thinking those things; I'm not one to break down. I break other people down. I guess there's a first for everything.

The fact rang true for Vega, as she slipped into the closet with me, holding the door closed behind her. She had a moment of brief indecision, only to slide down the door while looking at me, mind made up. She wasn't going anywhere.

"Are you lost?" I questioned as Tori looked to me, searching my eyes for something. She reacted like I was speaking a language she had never heard. "Vega."

She looked down at her hands and then back up to me. She started, "Yeah, I am. I just lost one of my friends, and I feel like I'm losing another one." Her eyes were far away, thinking. She bit her lip then continued, "I went to your house. I don't know why, but I did. Look, I know we're not exactly close – "

"We're not friends," I interrupted.

"Right. We're not _close_, and I know that. But I didn't want to leave you alone. I didn't want to watch you disappear. Everyone else acts like they've moved on, but I know you're still suffering. I just feel bad." She shifted, slumping back into the door as if it was all that was holding her together. In that moment I looked at her – really looked – and saw that she had worry lines. She looked almost as bad as I did; wisps of brown hair falling where they may, outfit a little less put together.

She was right. I was in agony. But that wasn't going to make me weak. "Vega, I don't need your sympathy." I hoisted myself up, planted my body next to her and tried to leave.

She stared up at me with that same look from earlier and whispered, "No, but you need a friend."

With that she moved out of the way and allowed me to leave.

/ I looked over at Beck to find him smiling back at me. We walked for what felt like hours in silence, following a path that led us by his house. If we walked far enough, we'd pass mine, too. Eventually Beck stopped mid-stride. He looked terrified, moving away from me with his hands shielding his head. I raised my arm, gun in hand, and shot him.

"No!" I yelled. Shooting up out of bed, my chest heaved heavily and I scanned my room for any sign of Beck. It was another fucking _dream_. I was disturbed by how this one ended, and not in a good way. I couldn't stay here while that dream lingered; I needed desperately to clear my head. My hand flew automatically to check the time on my phone, having remembered that I fell asleep as soon as I got home. The clock read six. Without much thought, I was out of my bed and in front of the mirror trying to fix myself. Once I was straightened out, I texted _her_. "Meet me at the park near HA."

/ "Hey, Jade." Tori called out as she approached from across the field, stepping gingerly through the grass in her worn out flip flops. Coming up beside me, she asked, "Why'd you ask me to meet you here?"

I looked her over. It amazed me just how _pretty_ she looked without even trying. "I used to come here when I was a little girl and I needed a place to hide away. Nobody ever knew to look here for me. I hid there," I took her wrist and dragged her to a particularly large tree. It provided us privacy from the rest of the park. We sat down side by side, staring ahead.

Breaking the tense silence, I started talking. "You know, I really did love him," I mumbled, "I hate a lot of things. I hate most things, actually. But I loved him." I laughed. It was humorless; a noise filled with pain. "I guess that's what I get for caring, hey?" My words just poured out of me with unusual ease.

Without looking, I knew that Tori's eyes were on my face.

"He loved you, too, Jade." Tori shifted so that our arms were touching. Usually I would slip away as quickly as I could from this kind of contact, but I needed it.

Continuing, I said, "We were going to get an apartment. Make it big here in L.A. He always said," I paused and laughed my empty laugh again, "he always said '_wouldn't it be amazing, Jade? To see both of our names rolling in the credits of one of your movies?_'" Tears started skating down my face at the memory. I closed my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek to stop it, only to feel Vega's shirt sleeve trace the line the tear had made. Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked at her.

"We were fighting when he died, Tori. It was my fault. I killed Beck," I whispered the last words. Tears fell more freely now.

Vega spun her body to look at me. Her eyes pierced straight through mine; concern etched her face once more. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, as if to say something. Finally, words having failed her, she bent forward awkwardly and hugged me. I didn't realize I was sobbing at this point, but I felt her hand rubbing at my back, easing the gasps that sputtered from my lungs.

"It's not your fault." Tori's voice was a whisper against my ear. She let go and looked at me again. "I promise you: this is not your fault."

Sniffling and nodding at her reassurance, I wiped my face. "It hurts so much, Tori," I venture, "I dream about him every single night. I see him everywhere. I feel him lingering on my skin. I just can't forget." Looking her into the eyes, I asked, "Why wasn't it me?"

"Oh, Jade…"

"No, it's okay. Sorry, Vega. I didn't mean to dump this all on you." I tried to correct whatever had broken inside of me to allow such an out pour onto her.

She picked at the grass, creating a pile and then throwing it away. I had never seen her look so lost for words. The girl who had all the answers had finally met her match. She looked to me through strands of her hair, still unable to say anything.

"Well. I should probably get going," I suggested, still seated.

Tori stood up and offered her hand. I took it and stood with her for a few silent moments. She gave me a weak smile and turned to walk away, but I grabbed her wrist before she fled.

"There's one other thing I've added to my list of things I don't hate," I smirked slightly.

Vega asked, knowing what I was going to say, but needing to hear it anyway, "Yeah? What's that?"

I squeezed her wrist and then let go.

* * *

**A/N: Happy Tuesday! I wasn't planning on releasing the second bit so soon, but I figured why not? It's a lot shorter than the first one, so there was no use waiting any longer. I'm working on the third currently, and can't exactly say I'll be releasing it quite as quickly as this one (lots of things to tackle), but it'll (hopefully) be worth the wait! Thank you all for your kind reviews/follows/faves. I really appreciate the support. Keep on doin' what you're doin', lovely people.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Part III.**

/ It took a while for it to really sink in: that I was _friends_ with Vega. I had spent all this time hating and envying her that I refused to see that she really was someone I liked having around. That day in the park – the day that I have been thinking about far too often – proved to me that I could trust her. She didn't tell anyone what I'd said. She didn't tell anyone that I was a complete wreck. She just _cared_. Nobody besides Beck had ever bothered to care before. Things weren't perfect between us, seeing as how we're still ourselves; two very different people who clashed more often than not. But we could always laugh about something else later.

Doodling away on a piece of scrap paper, it wasn't until Tori jabbed me in the side that I realized our acting teacher had addressed me. Looking up unconcerned, I asked a simple, "what?"

"I said: you are paired with Ms. Vega for the upcoming commercial assignment. Should I expect any problems or can you behave for the partnership?" He spoke with a condescending tone that wazzed me off.

"Yeah, no, we'll be fine." _Bingo_. "Hey, Vega! I already have an idea for a commercial we can do. What do you think about adult diapers?" I beamed, first at Tori, and then at the teacher. He went to say something in response, only to leave his mouth hanging open. I cocked my eyebrow and tilted my head. _Ball's in your court._ He walked away.

Vega flicked my thigh and laughed, "What is wrong with you?!"

"What? It was a perfectly innocent idea."

I went back to my doodling as Vega sifted through her things next to me. She slapped a notebook down and tore out a page. "Okay, give me some real ideas, please!" she demanded, tapping her pen on the table. After a few moments of silence, she could tell I was strapped for ideas and coaxed, "Well, are we making up a product, or are we going with something real?"

After thinking for a moment, I responded, "This is about creating a character that people connect with, right? As long as they like our characters, it won't matter what we sell." I wasn't aware that my brain had retained that much information, but I was glad for it because it got Vega to calm down a little bit.

"You're right. Want to come over and brainstorm characters with me later?" she asked.

I obliged, "It'll be nice to see the walls of someone else's house for once. I haven't been anywhere besides my room and Beck's…" I trailed off, pain singeing the edges of my stomach as I remembered our last trip to his RV.

Tori caught it and replied, "You won't regret it. It'll be fun. Promise."

Nodding and allowing the pain to settle into a dull ache, I agreed, "Okay. But please… can you lock your screeching sister out or something?"

She shook with laughter.

The lunch bell went off and I began to pack my things. I was more eager to leave the class than I was to eat anything; my appetite just wasn't what it used to be. I stood up and started walking to the door.

"Hey, wait!" Tori called as she appeared at my side. "Did you wanna come eat outside with everyone?" Her eyes were almost begging me to.

That same burning sensation returned when I thought of the last time I sat out there, with _him_. I closed my eyes at the memory. "Vega, I don't think – "

"No, no. It's cool. So, where to?"

"Vega – "

"West. Don't worry about it. Now seriously, where are we going?"

I thought for a moment. There was one place that I had in mind; I motioned for Tori to lead the way out the door, and we fell in step. She was quick to catch on to my idea. A few turns, and a few awkward looks later, we'd arrived at the very closet that started this whole thing. I opened the door and ushered her inside, slipping in after her. We shuffled things around and created a spot for ourselves on the floor.

"It's pretty filthy in here for being a janitor's closet…" Vega stated as she wiped her hands on her jeans after touching the floor directly.

We spent the rest of lunch listing off all the ironies we could think of – our friendship being number one.

/ If I thought people were staring at me before, imagine the reception I received when I waltzed into the Black Box after lunch for Sikowit'z play rehearsal with Vega at my heels. All of the actors were planted on or near the stage, with Andre and Robbie to the side deep in an animated discussion. They stopped and waved, giving us confused looks, lingering on me. They were probably still looking for a crack in my composure, but I've managed to seal most of it up.

Cat bounded excitedly over to us. She was dressed in overalls and rain boots, and I couldn't say whether her outfit was for the play or if she took her brother's advice on clothing this morning. She also wore a smile the size of a small country.

"Hey, Cat …Whatcha got there?" Vega intoned, pointing at a metal tool in Cat's hand. I hadn't noticed before, but she was clutching a trowel quite mercilessly.

"A-ha-ha! I play a gardener! I'm like a flower nurse!" she exclaimed. Making a few swipes at the air with the trowel, she continued, "Where have you guys been? I didn't see you at lunch so I thought maybe I was at the wrong table, but you weren't anywhere!" She glanced between our faces waiting for an answer.

I looked to Tori, who answered, "Jade and I just have a big project we have to do and we wanted to work on it through lunch. Anyway, what's new?" She provoked Cat into a huge spiel about her brother, giving me the opportunity to slip away to an empty seat in the back of the theatre. "Ooooh, but he gave it back, right?" I heard her ask.

I reclined in my chair, tuning in occasionally to the conversations going on around me. Robbie and Rex were arguing over a date with Northridge girls while Andre held back his laughter, and Cat recited her lines to Vega in the most dramatic way she could. I zoned out of the noise and thought about what Beck and I might have been talking about. _I have an audition coming up. It's supposed to be a huge movie. This could be it, Jade. This could be the break I need, to get money for us to move out. _Closing my eyes and massaging my temples, I'm brought back from my reverie to the choking scent of coconut.

"Heeeee-lloooooo" a hand waved in front of my face. "You're supposed to be upstairs with Ms. Vega flipping the lighty switches and turning the musical knobs since you both disappeared the other day before I could give you roles." Sikowitz's hand continued to wave, now motioning for me to move.

Unable to think of a witty remark through the thick fog rolling in my brain, I got up without a word and started towards the staircase. _You should audition with me. I know you like directing your own stuff, but it could be fun, Jade._ I stopped and braced myself against the wall; I needed to stop thinking about him if I wanted to make it through the rest of the day. _Beck… I don't know…_ Tears formed at the edges of my eyes. _What is there to know? You're amazing, Jade. Please just do this with me._

"…Jade?" Fuck.

Wiping my eyes, I snapped, "What."

Vega gave me that concerned look I've seen more than I would like. "Could you come help me with the switchboard?" She disappeared from my vision without waiting for an answer, so I had no choice but to continue up the stairs.

Emerging from the staircase, I spotted Vega angrily flicking switches on and off. Pausing to watch for a few moments, I decided that I would probably seize this opportunity to torment her under different circumstances. Despite that, I found myself at the switchboard turning on the right switches in one fell swoop, to the astonishment of my inept partner. I heard her sigh with relief and utter a "thanks," but my mind was still so cluttered. My hand lingered over the equipment, tapping a broken beat while I zoned out again_. Okay. Okay, I'll do it. But this better not be all for nothing, Beck. I hate being let down._ I kept tapping, faster now. _Have I ever let you down? This is going to be great, babe. We're going to be great. I love you._ My heart wrenched.

"Here, sit down," Vega said while pushing me into a chair. She pulled one up beside me and ran her finger over the edge of the equipment. "You're thinking about him." She was far more perceptive than I'd wanted.

I swallowed down the remaining thoughts; they lit the fire in my stomach again. "Yeah," was all I could come up with. Vega's hand found mine, which was now resting on the arm of the chair, and she gave it a brief but gentle squeeze that sent shockwaves through my spine. Recoiling, I said, "It's too bad you're always around to see me like this."

"Despite what I used to think, you _are_ human. And that's okay."

"I guess right now I wish I wasn't," I blurted. My face screwed up in thought.

Vega continued to play around with the switchboard in front of us. "I feel like that sometimes, too," she spoke. "It would be a lot easier than having to feel things… things that are so far from what we want to feel," she finished, a strange tone laced through her final sentence.

I looked at her and looked away again, catching her in the corner of my eye. "You're full of surprises, Vega."

She shrugged her shoulders. Someone on stage had said a line that was meant to cue a dramatic influx in music, to which she reached her hand out, hitting the first button she could find.

"No! Not that one!" I was too late.

Disco music started blaring throughout the Black Box and all eyes were on the both of us. Again, she shrugged her shoulders and started dancing to the music carelessly. I said "what the hell" and joined her, only to be stopped abruptly to the pleas from below to "turn it off!"

/ Vega definitely made good on her promise that our homework session would be worthwhile, even after the parking lot debacle. Trina argued with her for nearly twenty minutes about how Tori shouldn't have anyone over while she was preparing for a singing audition. She also argued – a little more quietly – that she didn't want "that black cloud" hanging over her. Tori gave her an incredulous look and stalked off. "She's coming over" was what she left Trina with. I drove us to her place.

Before heading up to Vega's room, we raided her kitchen and greeted her parents. Introductions weren't necessary as this wasn't the first time I'd been there, so it was a short lived affair. Trina arrived only minutes after we did, sneering at me as she plunked herself down on the couch. I smiled the sweetest smile I could muster back at her. "I think we've got everything," Tori announced, her voice far away as her head was deep within the fridge. She closed it and walked towards the stairs.

We sat for hours on her floor; food and books were scattered all over the space surrounding us. I was leaning on the foot of her bed while she was lying on her stomach in front of me.

"What about if we put on the Diddlybops costumes and sang for our commercial? I remember how much you loved that hamburger," she suggested.

"You're kidding."

"You're right, I am." Thank god.

Feeling mischievous, I toss out, "You could play a southern belle. You wouldn't have to change anything!"

"Jade – "

"Oh please, Ms. Vega," I pleaded in my best southern accent. A chip flew and hit me in the chin. I popped it into my mouth and winked. "Feisty."

We continued like that for the rest of the evening, and in those few hours, I was happy.

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**A/N: Hey guys! I'm so excited that I finally got around to writing a Jori-heavy chapter (because that's why we're all here). This update was perfectly on time despite the fact that I honestly didn't think it would be. I hope it was worth the week long wait. Thank you, again, for all of your support. I appreciate the reviews and I appreciate you taking the time to read my story! Stay tuned. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Part IV.**

Beck was telling me something, but I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. His smile was crooked and goofy and I heard myself laughing along with his story. His hand met mine in the middle of the table and his thumb ran over my skin. I could feel his grip loosen as he stood up and waved. "What? No!" I commanded. "No, you're not leaving again." He turned around and disappeared into the trees behind us. Suddenly all of the scenery changed and I was immersed in darkness. Shapes and colours started forming around me, only to streak and bleed into each other. I felt hopeless. Sitting down, I forced my eyes shut and waited for the colours to stop. _Jade_. I heard a voice, but I was terrified, and I refused to identify where it came from. _Jade, please open your eyes. It's okay now._ The voice sounded alarmingly familiar. _I won't go away. I'm here, Jade. I won't leave you. _I gathered my courage and trusted the voice. Vega stood over me with her hand extended. I took it and the darkness cleared.

/ Opening my eyes slowly, I immediately began to replay and dissect each part of my dream while staring up at the ceiling. "What the fuck was that?" I asked it.

My dad knocked on my door, but I made no attempt to acknowledge him. Waiting only a few seconds longer – a sign of real dedication – he sighed and shuffled down the stairs.

I checked the clock beside me and saw that it was ten in the morning, but it was a Saturday so I had no reason to rush. Creating a mental checklist of things I had to get done was the most productivity I managed in a long while; my priorities were comprised mainly of keeping myself together.

The list consisted of various tiers of catch-up work, ranked in order of due dates and how likely I was to get extensions on top of my extensions. Most of the work was really simple and wouldn't take much time to complete, but I also had that commercial project with Vega to worry about. We decided to go with an ad for Raisin Bran; Vega playing a cop and – ironically – me playing a southern belle. All we really needed to do was script our lines and film it, but a lot of that responsibility was left to me because I don't let anyone touch my camera. I pushed that all out of my mind; it would get done at some point.

_Bzzzzzzzzzzzzt._

After having my phone inform me that some idiot decided it was okay to text, I thought it was about time to get out of bed. I dragged myself to my closet and pulled out a ratty black hoodie that I kept around specifically for days like today.

_Bzzzzzzzzzzzzt._

Stomping over to my side table and begrudgingly grabbing my phone, I moved to the chair in the corner of my room that looked out on the street. Text: Tori. Unlocking the screen, I read, "Waaake up!" I typed out a reply, "Just because we're friends or whatever doesn't mean you get to scare the shit out of me with your crazed wake up calls." It took only a few seconds for a reply to pop up on my still open screen. "I can tell you're not a morning person... Good thing I brought you coffee." _Bullshit_. My eyebrows drew in over my nose and I peered out behind my black curtain. Sure enough, Vega was leaning against my car waving. I smirked to myself and made for the door.

/ "I wasn't sure what flavor you liked, so I went with vanilla. Hopefully that's okay?" Vega ghosted her finger along her own coffee cup looking almost childish as she peered up at me waiting for my response.

Taking a long sip of my drink – which actually happened to be my favourite kind – I nodded my head and attempted a smile. "Yeah, it's okay." I nearly finished my coffee before questioning, "Don't take this the wrong way, but why exactly are you here?"

"I – " her voice caught in her throat. Her eyes rolled to the left and I could almost see her thoughts bouncing around inside of her head. "Well, I – "

"You didn't tell me we had a guest, Jade." A chill lapped at my skin, pricking goosebumps up all along my arms. My father stood by the stairs, statuesque, making me feel tense. His eyes were set on me, boring a hole through me.

Fearing Vega might end up with frostbite, I stood up and appeased my father, "Well, now you know." I glanced at Tori, silently pleading that she not ask any questions. "We're going upstairs to work on a project."

Without waiting for a response from my father, I took Vega by the arm and blew past him up the stairs.

"We are?" I heard Tori ask as I shoved her into my room. Confusion must have been evident on my face because she followed with, "Working on our project, I mean. Because I came over here ju – "

"No." A few steps landed me at my closet and I tried to decide on a wardrobe. I settled on a red plaid skirt with leggings and a black long-sleeved shirt. "Do you mind?" I asked over my shoulder.

"Uh… no." Vega's voice trembled.

I stripped myself of my lounge clothes and put on my chosen attire, aware all the while that there was a foreign presence in the room with me. I turned around to find her prodding different CD's on my shelf. "Having fun there?" I strode over beside her and evaluated my collection. Her hand stopped its prodding and hovered over a particularly battered case.

She pulled it off the shelf and traced her finger along the cracks. "I love this CD" she breathed, still following the cracks.

"Wait. _You_ like Björk?"

"Full of surprises, remember?" She took the CD over to my stereo and skipped to the end track. A song I knew all too well began filling up my room.

_You'll be given love,  
You'll be taken care of  
You'll be given love,  
You have to trust it_

The sound was mesmerizing. Vega moved her body to the beat and I couldn't help but stare.I had no idea what it was about her, but she had me in a trance. Not just with the way she was dancing in front of me, but in everything she was. She was something like a sedative to all of the horrible things I was feeling lately, and I couldn't help myself from feeling like maybe things really weren't complete shit – at least not for the time I was around her.

_All is full of love  
You just ain't receiving  
All is full of love  
Your phone is off the hook  
All is full of love  
Your doors are shut  
All is full of love_

A feeling of guilt crept up on me. I wasn't supposed to be feeling happy, or normal, or okay. Beck's accident was only just over a month ago and this whole thing – my friendship with Vega – felt like a betrayal. Each moment I spent with her I felt a little more whole. She was piecing me back together. But it wasn't right… was it?

The track ended and the CD skipped back to the beginning. A more upbeat song started playing and Vega turned it down. She then glided over to my bed and sat, twisting her body towards me. "So, what's the plan, Fran?"

Startled, I fell back into reality and tried to think of some kind of viable response that wasn't "fuck all." Only partially lying, I replied "I was thinking of doing homework or something and watching _The Scissoring_ until…" I waved my hand in her direction. "I'd ask if you wanted to watch it with me, but I don't feel like cleaning puke out of my carpet."

_Doodleoo_

Vega's ridiculous text tone sounded and she fished in her pocket for her phone. "Cat just texted me. She was wondering if I wanted to go out for frozen yogurt." Her fingers skated over her phone. "I just told her that I'm busy. And FYI: I would not _puke._"

"Why don't you text her back and tell her that your plans just freed up?" Her eyes faltered and she looked almost hurt. "…Because I'm coming with you?"

Again, her fingers sped over her phone and she shoved it back into her pocket. "I just didn't think you'd want to go. Robbie and Andre are supposed to be there, too."

"Well then, what's a hang out session without the cynical gank?" I grabbed my leather jacket off of the back of my door. "And Vega? You _totally_ would."

/ "Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?" Robbie asked Andre and Cat. They shook their heads, Andre looking puzzled. "He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink!" All three of them laughed. "Oh! Hey Tori." Robbie spotted us making our way over to the bench they were sitting on in the middle of the park. "Jade," he added.

Cat practically purred when Vega and I sat down beside her. She went on to describe her favourite yogurt to me, "Ooh, what's the name?! I can't remember, but it's so good. Almost as good as bibble!" Her eyes were downcast and she looked upset. "…Now I want bibble…"

We all sat talking for a while, and things felt almost _normal_. The ache in my stomach seemed to have taken a momentary leave and I found myself acting a little more warmly than usual to everyone – until Rex made a piggish comment about my skirt from Robbie's backpack. I sent the puppet flying, and a horrified Robbie sprang up after him. I smoothed out my skirt and smiled to myself.

Andre hissed something into Tori's ear, but I didn't catch any of it. His eyes chanced a look in my direction. She replied with the faintest smile on her face, but I pretended I didn't see any of it; after all, everyone is entitled to their secrets. I had to admit, though: I was definitely curious to know what they were saying.

"Wait! Maybe it was cheesecake? No. I think it was red velvet!" Cat continued trying to find the right name and I continued trying to decipher what was being said not even a foot away. "Okay, I really think it was cho –"

"Let's go look." I pulled Cat to her feet and we made for the yogurt stand. I got a frozen hot chocolate yogurt, and Cat finally decided that it was indeed the red velvet ("like my hair!") yogurt that she wanted. Once we both had our food, I steered her further away from the rest of the group. "So, Cat. What were our two friends there talking about all hush hush?"

She spooned mouthful after mouthful of yogurt in, stopping only to make clear her enjoyment with "mmms." When she was done with her yogurt, she said simply, "I don't know, I didn't hear them!" She chewed on her spoon for a moment. "I think I heard your name, though." More chewing. "Something about spending lots of time together and how you're a lot of fun and not wanting to make things weird or make you sad because of..." She dropped her spoon and pouted. "Darn."

"Make what things weird, Cat?" I prompted.

"Things between you and Tori. If she told you."

"Told me what?"

"I can't tell you that!" Cat skipped away before I could ask her anything else.

I threw out my spent yogurt cup before joining the group again, sitting between Cat and Vega. Andre nudged Tori and she shot him a death glare that may even rival my own. And then she looked at me for a brief moment, smiling as she looked away.

/ "See you!" Vega waved and shut the door to my car. "Have I ever mentioned how much I love frozen yogurt?" She said, working on her second cup of the day.

"I really couldn't tell." She was used to my sarcasm and responded with laughter. I started the car and drove a bit, trying to fight off the same feeling of guilt that reared its head earlier. Tori was my friend. That was all.

I remembered the conversation from earlier then. _Make what things weird, Cat?_ Cat's voice replayed in my head. _Things between you and Tori. If she told you._

I shook my head and focussed on the road. Before long, I heard myself blurt out, "Did you still want to watch _The Scissoring_ with me?" I could see her nodding out of my peripheral vision. Guilt kicked at me from inside of my gut, nearly forcing me to spit out a lie about homework again. But when I looked over at her – her eyes set ahead – I saw that same smile on her face from earlier that told me everything would be okay.

* * *

**A/N: Hey all! I know this chapter is kind of disjointed, and I apologize. I haven't been sleeping very well lately and my brain is sputtering. I promise (for now, at least) that the next chapter will be a lot better. Be prepared for some angsty stuff coming up! Thank you for reading and reviewing!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Part V.**

Sunday was spent _actually_ doing catch up work, but thankfully I wasn't left to do it alone.

"A character study, then?" I asked to clarify.

"Yep! You just watch one of the movies on the list and write a report on why or why not the main character worked in the story. You're supposed to pay close attention to the acting to 'hone your own abilities.' Whatever that means." Vega packed away her own work.

I looked over the list and picked the most recent movie and made a mental note to watch it later. Once that was done and all of the other work I had to do was finished, I shoved my things to the corner of my bed and threw myself onto my back. I felt the weight of the bed shift as Tori did the same beside me. My heart sped up noticeably, and I was almost certain she could hear it hammering out an incoherent beat. To cover it up, I said, "You know, you really didn't have to waste your weekend over here."

She tilted her head to look at me. "I know." Eyes back to the ceiling. "But I wanted to."

I swallowed hard, trying to force my heart back down my throat. "Good." Another swallow. "Because I wanted you to, too." I could feel tension rising between the two of us, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It hung thick throughout the room with words that were being held back woven all through it. We stayed like that – side by side – until Trina told Tori her parents wanted her home. We shared a long-winded, somewhat dramatic goodbye at my door, and after she left I thought about everything that had happened between us that weekend.

I began to accept what I had known for a long time.

/ That evening was spent watching a movie that I had no desire to see, while texting Tori all of the reasons why it was awful. She had never seen it before, but she agreed with everything I said, anyway. In turn, she texted me that Trina had managed to explode a bottle of nail polish all over the living room couches, and that she was made to clean it up. I would've been plotting to get back at Trina if it weren't for Tori – sisterly love and all.

Midnight rolled around sooner than I had expected and we both accepted that the texting would have to stop at some point. I settled into my comforter. "Good night, Vega. I'll see you tomorrow." She replied with a smiley face, and I went to sleep envisioning the real thing, with my phone on my pillow.

/ Monday seemed to speed by, and I found myself at my locker with Vega at break. At this point I really couldn't remember a time when she and I weren't constantly together. "You look fine, you know…" I paused, rolling the next words over my tongue a few times. "You look… pretty." Vega stopped fixing herself long enough to cock her eyebrow at me in the mirror on the inside of my locker. I waved my hand in front of it to obscure her view. "Seriously."

"I just don't get why my hair can't stay put!"

She picked at herself for a while longer, trying to coax each strand of hair into place. When she was satisfied with her work she leaned on the locker next to mine and we chatted through the remainder of the break. A movie night was mentioned – this time at her house, and this time a movie that was a little less demented than _the Scissoring_. I didn't care about the movie, to be honest; it was the company I was more interested in. But I didn't bother to mention that. After we smoothed out the plans, the tri-toned nuisance of a bell went off.

"I'll see you later, okay?"

"Hold on." Her hair had already defied her effort, so I wet the tips of my fingers and pushed back the strands that had fallen astray. "Perfect." Our gaze met, neither of us attempting to break it. "So I'll see you," was all I could say.

Not seconds after Tori walked away had Sinjin come sauntering up behind me. He tapped my shoulder and I had to resist the impulse to punch him. "What do you want, Brillo Pad?"

"Go out with me."

"What? No." I almost wanted to laugh in his face, but I thought that might be a little _too_ harsh. "Just no." I couldn't even begin to fathom where this kid was coming from.

He moved closer to me and I readied myself to kick him if he stepped so much as half an inch further. "Why not?"

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? What would possess you to think I'd be even remotely interested?"

"Well, I just thought since you were over Beck now and kind of seeing Tori, that maybe you'd want to kind of see me, too."

Okay, what?

My mouth hung open as I processed what he had said to me. My chest seized up and I couldn't catch my breath. "I'm not…" My stomach flipped uneasily, hands reaching up and slamming the locker shut on their own. My feet then carried me away from Sinjin and into the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirrors clambering for air and trying not to puke.

Over Beck? _Seeing_ Tori?

The guilt I was feeling before reacquainted itself with the singed edges of my gut. How the fuck had I not seen it before? All the time I was spending with her… I had completely replaced Beck. How could I have done this to him? How could I have betrayed him like this? I had diluted myself into thinking that what Tori and I shared was friendship, when I had known… When I had felt…

And in that moment I decided what needed to be done. It killed me to even think about it, but what I had already done was so much worse. I couldn't do this to him anymore. I couldn't feel like this. I couldn't like – no, I couldn't _love_… She couldn't do this to me. So it was decided.

No more Vega.

/ My entire playwriting class was spent inside the bathroom. I settled into the stall at the end of the row and apologized to Beck over and over. All of the holes he'd left in my gut were hollowed out again and I felt the life drain out of me. The worst part of it was that all I wanted to do was find _her_ and tell her how much it hurt and tell her how I'm scum and have her piece together everything that was falling apart. I hated myself for needing her like that; I've never needed anyone so much. And I hated _her_ for making me feel that way. In the blink of an eye Vega had made me feel human.

The bell signalled that the second to last class of the day was starting and I had resolved not to go to it, mostly because I needed to cut the ties as quickly as possible, and it would be a lot easier without the audience of our friends. I slid down the wall of the stall and prepared myself to wait out another period.

/ Late for my acting class because of my indecision, I was greeted with a spiteful look from my teacher. Vega glanced up from what she was doing and shot a smile at me. With great effort I ignored it. I took my chair and slid it as far away from her as possible and, to my dismay, she continued trying to get the conversation going.

"Where were you? Sikowitz put off play practice today so all we did was improv. I looked in our usual spot when you didn't show up, but you weren't there." My eyes didn't falter; my gaze was set on the wall clock at the front of the room. She wasn't content with my silence. "Uh, hi? I'm Tori, your friend. What up with the freeze out?"

She sounded hurt, but she attempted to pass it off with humour. Guilt scratched along my insides. She tried a few more times to talk to me – to find out why I had reverted back to post-Beck status, but I stuck to my plan. Her concern grew with each failed attempt and eventually I couldn't handle it any longer. I couldn't be around her. I couldn't hurt her.

"I can't."

"You can't what?" Her stare was so intense, so damn intimate. She cared; she needed to know what was wrong.

"I can't do this. I can't do this with you… I can't do this _to_ you."

"I know I don't have to tell you two to be quiet." The teacher spoke angrily from the front of the room. Not another word was exchanged for the rest of the class, but her pained looks spoke louder than any words ever could have.

The clock ticked time away steadily until it was nearing the end of the class. I packed up my things, and left as soon as I could; the sound of her heart breaking was audible as I stormed out of the school.

/ My nightmare returned that night, and this time not only had I killed Beck, but Tori, too. I woke up crying and I stared at my phone until I fell asleep again.

The rest of the week came and went. I felt myself slipping away each time I had to be around her, so I was thankful for the coming weekend. Pushing her away was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do; I found myself staring at her more and more, and sometimes she caught me, which made it that much worse. Her eyes looked so sad, so defeated, and I had to keep reminding myself that this was right.

I steered clear of everyone at lunch, sitting in the janitor's closet, chewing at my nails to take my mind off of everything. In a moment of weakness, I had opened my phone and stared at her name. Then, in a moment of insanity, I texted her. "I'm so sorry," was all I could think to say. She didn't reply.

Friday rolled around and I was pretty sure I had successfully made her hate me, up until a note fell out of the door of my locker. "I need to talk to you. Meet me at 3. Our place." I considered all of the things that could be said, all of the things she could ask, and I went over every possible answer I could give. I tried to create a reasonable argument without having to tell her… but my thoughts kept getting stuck on the three simple words that were constantly screaming in my head. The words that felt more real now than they ever had before. I spent the rest of the day anticipating what was to come.

/ Vega stood at the teacher's desk in the front of the room, explaining – or perhaps lying – about why our ad project wasn't handed in on time. She stayed there until class was over.

I sat unmoving while that shrill, godforsaken bell sang its song to the eager ears of my classmates. The shuffling of bodies came in waves soon after, amplifying the tension I felt building in my shoulders. Fingering my ragged nails, I pretended I didn't know what was coming.

Eventually the class had emptied out, save for two. It was just she and I. She glanced towards me from the front of the room, beckoning me silently to the place we had both agreed was _ours_. Wordlessly, I raised myself from my seat and started towards the janitor's closet with her in tow.

The door closed with a click behind her and we stood facing each other, a war waging between us. The silence hung heavily in the room, and I could tell she was scrutinizing my every move.

Unable to take it any longer, I shifted towards her and began, "Look, Vega –"

"Don't." She replied with such intensity that I complied and retreated further back into my corner of the closet. "Jade, what are you doing? What are _we_doing?" The concern, the hurt, the confusion was thick with each word, dripping in front of me and corroding the wall I'd built up.

I searched for the right words amongst all of the janitorial tools. Even having known the question would come, and having rehearsed the answer, I couldn't bring myself to utter the truth. Staring at a bucket, I attempted, "Vega… Tori… I don't know what you want me to say. Things are all fucked up..." I looked up at her, apologies glinting behind my eyes. It wasn't unusual for me to feel sorry for her. Especially when she had to deal with my bullshit.

She poised herself to leave, "Well, Jade, if you ever do know, come find me. Otherwise this is done." And with that, she left.

Everything shattered around me, knowing again that I had probably ruined the one good in my life. It was confusing and messy, and it still felt so wrong. I had been letting Beck go and letting someone else in, and it was so horrible… but I couldn't stop it. It was hard for me to believe that anything could ever be normal after everything that had happened. Yet still, I was finally able to accept what I couldn't accept before, what I had felt prior to everything turning to shit… what I had felt long before Beck died.

"I think I love you." I choked out to the empty room.

What the fuck had I done?

/ It was five and I was still sitting in my car in the parking lot of Hollywood Arts. I had my head resting on the steering wheel while I waded through all of the mess I'd made.

I thought back to before Beck died. The majority of my time was spent tormenting Vega; there was no chance of anything happening between us, and having her so close yet so far would've hurt too much. Try as I did, there was no way I could've stopped myself from being attracted to her, so I focused all of my energy on trying to make her hate me. I _did _love Beck. And I never would have left him for her. But there was always that stupid "what if" that muddled things up. And now – as morbid as it was – I was getting to see the other side of that very same "what if."

And I was happy.

But now I've gone and fucked that all up, too.

My hand cranked the keys that were hanging from the ignition and I felt something close to determination drive me forward. I had already lost someone whom I loved. I was not going to lose another one. Tori's house was only a few blocks away.

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**A/N: Quick update, hey?! Immediately after the fourth chapter train wreck (I seriously don't know what went wrong there) I cranked out this one. I'm sorry if I've crippled your poor Jori feels, but I can tell you that they'll be just fine come the next update. Unless I decide to continue toying with them. But that's for me to know and you to find out! Thank you guys for being amazing, and I hope you keep enjoying the story! Just a warning: my fall semester starts up on Tuesday so it might be hard for me to update as quickly, but I promise I won't abandon the story!  
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	6. Chapter 6

**OH MAN. I am so sorry for leaving like a million years in between updates. School has been so insanely hectic, and I've started doing a bunch more that has literally eaten away all of my time. I also couldn't really think of anything else to write - but you guys helped me get my inspiration back! It was so great to stop by and see that there was still interest in this story, so I decided that I would update ASAP. The new season of Victorious has also really helped along my inspiration - Jori is so cute! Anyway, here's the long awaited (probably too short) update. I hope you guys like it... it's pretty explicit, so I've warned you! Hopefully I won't leave you hanging for another 50 years (I am 99% sure I won't). Stay tuned!**

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**Part VI.**

I drove as fast as I could to Tori's house, but having lost my nerve, I sat in my car across from it for nearly an hour. My heart hammered in my chest while the blood rushed audibly in my ears, and I kept searching for reasons that said I was making the wrong decision by being there. Every reason I could think of was outweighed by the fact that yes, I really did love her. As confusing and painful as everything was, it was the only obvious thing that had any bearing over me. I ran my finger across my steering wheel a few times, as if to coax it to go and do what needed to be done. Eventually I gave up and decided that I needed to do something soon, because it was getting late, and I was sure that I had seen a pair of eyes peering at me through the curtain more than once. It was time.

The evening air nipped at me as I made my way across the street and up her walkway. Hesitating before I knocked on the door, I tried one last time to talk myself out of this, to no avail. As I went to knock, the door opened as if it was telling me to "_please, please just fix this, Jade._" Vega's mom stood on the other side and smiled at me.

"Hi, sweetie. Why were you outside for so long? Is everything okay? Come in," she moved herself out of the way and motioned for me to do something. _Walk_. Right. I took off my boots and walked to the stairs. "Tori's just in the shower. Do you need something? A drink?" I shook my head. "Okay, well, if you decide you want anything don't hesitate to just grab it." I stood there like an idiot for a few more awkward moments, unsure of what to do. "You can go upstairs and wait for her if you like?" I tried to smile, but I just nodded, padding up the staircase.

My nerves continued to screw with me, moreso once I had entered her room, making it hard for me not to run out the way I came. I made my way slowly around _her_ space, taking it all in like it was the first time I'd been there. Shelves and shelves of little trinkets that were just so _Tori_ lined her walls. Little figurines, dolls, pictures; her room was so innocent. My eyes scanned the pictures. They were of little girls with little mouths missing teeth, the same girls as Disney princesses, faces I'd never seen before with a young Tori, and group photos from recently. Group photos that included me, that I was smiling in, that I was happy in. And one of them in particular caught my eye. It was the night when Tori disguised herself as Louise Nordoff and got back at those stuck up bitches in Karaoke Dokie. I remembered how proud I was of her that night. The picture was of Cat, Tori and me. We were all so happy. And I remembered that all I wanted to do was tell Tori how amazing her performance was, and how fantastic and beauti-

A reflection in the picture startled me and I turned around, now face to face with a freshly showered, still-in-her-towel Tori. She was a canvas of emotions: confused, sad, happy, and... something I couldn't quite figure out.

"Hi." She tried to sound angry, but her eyes betrayed her.

"Hi." My voice came out in a whisper.

She made her way over to her laundry basket and dumped in it a ball of jeans and a t-shirt. Not bothering to put anything on aside from her towel, she sat on her bed and asked me, "so?"

"So what?"

"So, why are you here?" She patted the spot on the bed beside her, but as fragile as I was feeling, I would probably shatter if I moved any closer.

I leaned against the wall. "I just wanted to... well, apologize." _Come on, Jade._ "I was being stupid and I didn't mean to hurt you or ignore you or anything like that... For once." I tried to make her smile. I needed her to smile.

She looked down at her knees and back up to me. "Well, you did. You did hurt me. Was our friendship a huge, twisted joke to you? Were you_ using_ me? Because I can't understand why you would just..." Tears filled the corners of her eyes.

I tried to keep it together, because her crying was really the last thing I needed right now. I moved slightly closer, still intact. Closer. And still closer. Until I was in front of her. "It isn't a joke to me. You were never a joke to me."

A weak smile flashed across her face, but only briefly, before she stood up. We were inches apart now, and I had to fight the urge to step backward... or forward. Firmly rooted in the ground, I waited for a response.

"What is this, then?" She asked the same question that I couldn't answer in the janitor's closet. Her eyes were searching my face for something, and I was desperate to find the right words. "Jade? What is this? What are we doi-"

My still hammering heart finally exploded when I closed the gap between us. I pulled Tori in by her hips and kissed her, gently at first, but with more desperation as it went on. I was desperate to show her. Desperate to let her know just what this is to me. Desperate to show her how much I need her... want her. That...

"I love you." I breathed, my mouth still dangerously close to hers.

She pushed her hips into mine and initiated the second kiss. My head started to swim and I felt like I was going to pass out, so I guided her towards her bed, pushing her backwards, meeting no resistance.

I straddled her and held her hands above her head. Breaking the kiss momentarily, I looked at her face, and then her body, studying it, taking her all in, and making sure that this was _real_. That smile that I'd grown to love crept up on her lips and I was drawn back in for more. The fact that she was still in her towel worked to my advantage; I traced my lips down her neck to her collar bones. Moving down further, I met the top of her towel. I wasn't sure what to do at this point - not so much in the sense that I'd never been with a girl - but moreso that I wasn't sure if she wanted anything more. Again, I looked to her face for some kind of sign.

She was flushed, her mouth open just wide enough to accommodate her occasional sighs. Her eyes were burning with lust, a hunger I had never seen in anyone. I moved my hand to the towel, still watching her, still trying to gauge her reaction. _Is this okay? _I was slow and deliberate, making sure that I wasn't doing anything wrong. Tori looked expectantly at me as I finally gained the courage to pull her towel away from her. She didn't seem nervous at all as my gaze fell over her in her entirety.

Her body was all curves and ridges, and I couldn't help but think of just how perfect she really was. After I was certain I had memorized every inch of her body, I placed my hand back in hers and continued my previous exploring. My mouth made its way back over her collarbones, skimming further down this time. I could feel my heart speed up again as I approached her chest. Making eye contact with her and smirking slightly, I ran my mouth playfully past her nipple. Her head tilted back at the touch. I gained more confidence, taking it in my mouth and running my tongue over it, Tori gasping. I let out a husky laugh at her reactions; this would take some getting used to.

I turned my attention to the other nipple while I slid my hand down Tori's arm, across her stomach, and over her thigh. Maintaining eye contact, I snaked my hand back up her stomach, then straight down to her center.

"_Shit_." She hissed as I began gliding my fingers over her, occasionally stopping to circle her clit. I wanted to tease her as much as possible.

I traced my mouth back up her neck and lingered by her mouth. I could hear her breathing, and I had to admit, I was getting wetter the heavier she breathed. Working my fingers more quickly now, her breathing sped up. She was getting close, I could tell, so I slowed down.

"Damn it, Jade." Her words were barely audible as I made my way down her body again.

This time, I climbed off of her and stationed myself between her legs. I kissed her thighs, nipping at them every so often. Deciding that this was probably too much torture for one evening, I introduced my mouth to her wetness. I ran my tongue up and down her slit slowly, provoking a lot of squirming.

"Just do it. _Fuck_. Just..." That was all the convincing I needed to enter her.

I slid my finger into her as I continued to trace patterns with my tongue along her clit. It wasn't long before I felt her tighten around my finger, while her hips raised up and stifled gasps fell from her mouth.

I assumed my starting position and kissed her. It didn't feel like it did before, all desperate and hungry. It wasn't full of pain and confusion and anger. This was a kiss full of understanding, gratitude, happiness, and...

"I love you, too."

There was no question, no pleading, nothing uncertain about her words. Tori loves me, and I love Tori; nothing felt complicated or fucked up anymore. It was all so easy.

I eased myself off of her, trying my hardest not to lose my grip on her hand.

We laid there for what seemed like an eternity in silence until she said, "It's pretty dark out, did you want to just stay over tonight?"

"I can drive in the dark, Vega."

"Let me rephrase this: I want you to stay over. Say yes?"

I answered her with a kiss on her cheek.

/ "I need to change." My reflection in the mirror taunted me. I was in Tori's pajamas, which were both _pink_ and _definitely not my style_. There were ducks all over the bottoms and I felt like I was getting ready to go to the circus.

"No you don't! You look cute. _Peh._" Tori smiled and tried to reassure me while she brushed her teeth.

I met her eyes in the mirror and tried to give her my most intimidating look, which didn't work all too well considering I had fucking ducks on my pajamas. "Ah, screw it." I walked out of the bathroom and stood in the hall.

Another Vega peaked out of her room and stared at me. _Trina was home? Oh my god, she was home. Did she hear..._ She cocked her eyebrow at me, snorted at the stupid pajama bottoms and closed her door again. I retreated into Tori's room.

"Whaddaya wanna do, Swan Queen?" Tori jeered as she waltzed in, closing the door behind her.

I ignored the joke at my expense and threw myself onto her bed, wriggling under the covers. She followed.

I took her hand and replied, "This is good."

She cuddled closer to me and turned off her table lamp.


End file.
